"Hey, bro! What’s up? Think you’re up for a change?" a friend of mine says, Next thing I woke up working in a building with some firm called "Titirez". There was some hard work in the beginning, for that I had no doubt, Then it started to dive down a bit, I’ve got accustomed to, chilled out.
A few pizza parties went by, nothing much, nothing to mention, Then, one birthday, some girl managed to get my attention. It’s been a few weeks since I haven’t gotten any. I know! It’s hormones, that’s why! Oh no, she leaned back... You could see her belly, I’m thinking about being the bad guy.
Don’t be fooled by what I write, I’m a "face" man And I don’t like whities, I enjoy a slight tan. Don’t get it wrong, I’m not saying she either fits or not the description, I’m only saying "I don’t want anything, I’m just up for some friction"
The more we were talking about going out and such, It became more clear and clear: to me, it was too much. She didn’t seem the type that just wanted some fun So I had to stop before anything had even begun. Since I wasn’t attracted enough to want to know her, Even one more step further would have been unfair!
Why would someone go through so much trouble and so much effort spent? To hurt, deceive, lie, pretend a good old dinner and hide the thing he meant? Consuming time and money for a one time insert, When for a couple hundred nobody would get hurt! Yeah, it still costs money. But the time left is granted And you don’t have to solve your "problem" single-handed.
Anyway, enough said. That’s it, moving on. Cause if you stall, readers start to yawn!
On to the next: everything I posted she was "like like like like" You may not play bowling, but I thought "this time it’s a strike!" "Oh, I’ve no sleep, I’d go for a walk. I’ve just moved here, I live near the park" I said "alright", no matter the clock. She’s really brave... I mean: it’s so dark! And guess what! She said "I’m done with relationships, I just want some fun" "Oh my!" I instantly thought... "Tonight it’s gonna be wild sex by the ton!" As a single guy of course you have to like the thing she implies. So, when I went for it and she said "Wait!"... Imagine my surprise!
Alright, maybe there was no surprise. Even when someone likes you, You can’t simply like that go head-on. She can’t say "yes" so easily even if that’s what she’d want to, She would lose respect (also by the ton)
Now I could say the same things I’ve already said, Why I didn’t pursue, why I haven’t had her misled: Because, same as last time, it was just hormones again, There was nothing else, nothing that I’d like to maintain.
And I don’t really want to be an ass, But I’ve learned things from the past. Things that keep me wide awake: I don’t lie and I don’t fake!
I could tell more stories like theese, Against lying, pretending and tease. But I don’t think that’s what you’re here to read, You need a good story and I have one, indeed!
It’s time for a break, haven’t smoked in a while. Please feel free to join me, don’t worry! This was just to warm you up with some style, I’ll be right back with the main story...
Alright so I went out for a smoke, hadn’t quit yet And there there was someone I hadn’t already met! Spoiler: She’d recently started working there, data entry, part time. I wanted to say something but no sound came out, not even a chime.
Describing her would be unfair, making girls all over the world turn green, I got to care for her so I would describe a beauty like you’ve never seen. Yeah, maybe perfection doesn’t really exist in this world, Only when you care for someone, your vision becomes blurred.
She didn’t seem the type that you’d just want to ravish and leave, Any man should get the electric chair if her he’d want to deceive. Anyway, for the moment she was just a pretty face, If she had left tomorrow, she wouldn’t leave a trace.
But if you look ahead to the next page and then to the next, If you scroll down you simply realize by the amount of text: I could talk about 10 more girls, make thousands more rhymes And still, about her alone I could write even 10 more times!
Let’s talk about the time we’ve spent together Starting back then ‘till when I wrote this letter:
She had a cigarette out, looking through her purse, I’m thinking "Oh crap! I wish I had my lighter!" And just when I thought that things can’t get worse, A colleague appeared, which was like a divider. If I were to talk to her right there and then, it should have been just us two So she wouldn’t be uncomfortable because of people she hadn’t even knew.
But before I say anything, I’m more kind of a writer And of course, eventually, she had found her lighter. My pupils un-widen that moment, right then; Who knew in a few days they will widen again.
I immediately started to talk to my colleague, turning the page, Hoping she didn’t notice my interest and the intent to engage. No interaction happened then but I was glad to find out That she’s the new girl that Adrian had told me about.
The weekend went by. This time I couldn’t wait, I thought "Back to work! This Monday is great!" I started to go out smoking alone from time to time, Thinking she’d take a break to enter the next rhyme, But little I knew she didn’t take breaks And she really likes amazing cheesecakes.
One day, coming late to work, at a glance I saw her waiting the buss, by the station. I thought "Alright, there’s my chance!" And somehow I felt this funny vibration.
Point blank, my heart started to pump blood like crazy; Again, my pupils widen all up like the biggest daisies. Passed by, hit the brakes, took the first left street, Then reversed and got back to the station in a beat!
"Hey! Hello! How are you?" I said after calming down, "Can I give you a lift? Are you heading to town?" She hung-up the phone and she said "Hi!" back, Then we started talking to find the right track: "You could drop me off mid-town somewhere, perhaps" "Come on, hop in!" I said and started google maps. Of course that starting up from our current location I surely ended up getting her safe to the destination.
We’ve talked about each other a bit along the way And other stuff, started to know one another And it all started with me saying "Hey!" Oh, by the way... she has a little brother. And also, casually, she slipped the notion of "someone else" "Doesn’t matter" I thought, "I’ll find a way to ring her bells!" They had different paths in life, he’s almost from the past And there was distance involved, these things never last.
She got out of the car and we’ve said "goodbye", Man I was thirsty! My mouth had run dry!
Next, I had to wait for a couple of days or so, I can’t push hard, I have to take things slow. By the way, she told me that she lives in my neighborhood. I knew I’d soon pick her up to work one morning. Good!
Project renewal at the office plus stuff that's left behind Led to a lot of things lately which I have been assigned. "I know! I’ll go much earlier at work, it works out for the best, So I can take her too next morning. But first I have to rest."
When the alarm rings, it’s only five forty-five. I open my eyes. Why does it have to be so hard, like something inside you dies? I text her on Facebook and ask if I could pick her up, I wait for a bit. No answer... She hadn’t yet woke up. Soon I am ready, I exit the house and stop for a snack, Then, the Facebook app sound! She has texted me back: "If you’re not in a hurry and if you don’t mind the wait, I think that I’ll be ready in 15-20 minutes" My heart had started pounding, though it was not a date, My vision became blurry, there were too many digits!
Needless to say, we drove to work together that morning. Clueless bastard: me! My heart sent me a second warning!
While we were on our way, I didn’t hurry, I took my pace. Before we got to work we also caught the Sun rise And that is when I’ve noticed, right on her pretty face, The beautiful expression of her light brown eyes.
From then on, every morning, it almost became a rule: We leave for work together (it’s hard to play it cool) I’ve never in my life woke up so freakin’ early; When she doesn’t straighten it, her hair is a bit curly.
Most times when she left work I’d take my break, we went to lunch, I’m starting to think that she knows, that she might have a hunch. One evening I’ve got her a "Happy Meal" box, Even if words may not, gesture sure talks! Ate all the food, filled it with candy and left the toy, Then, in the morning I gave it to her: "Here’s some joy!"
She said she owed me so much, that I could sell her. But for what? I could get the whole world in return, still... I could never do that! Also tests started to make their way through, At any given time, any girl would test you. She knew I bought a dog in the past to make someone feel better, It was years back, I’ve showed her... But that’s another letter. She soon started to mention that she would really like a puppy, But then she got a blanket which was the same amount of fluffy.
Seeing each other morning, evening, weekends, every day We were spending more and more time together. If I don’t strike out soon, at least I’m on my way, I wasn’t in a hurry, wanted to do things better.
Breakfast, lunch, dinner... together so much time, Days became shorter, now I got up now was bed-time. Therefore I had to start paying attention from now on And if I’d notice signs she really likes me, then it’s on!
We’re not in a hurry, we’d take it slow, Stuff about you she wants to know. Her good and bad parts she has to show, Her worst, her best. She needs to glow!
She said she really loves kids, but she hardly cooks, She’s also smart, plus she knows she has the looks. She wants you draw her in your world, She wants to see you’re there for her, She wants to know you have a word, She also wants to know you’re fair!
I’ve once told her about some meaningless date I had, When I could have lied, when I could have gone bad! When without caring, just with a little charm, I’ve kissed the girl just for stroking my arm!
With that image in her mind, she soon started to stroke my arm too, Consciously or not? Maybe she knew, maybe she didn’t’ have a clue! She was stroking my arm whenever she required my attention, She would do that whenever she had something to mention, She would do it whenever I started to head in the wrong direction, Whenever something went wrong, whenever she needed protection. Whenever I was wrong and I needed correction, Or when I was blabbing, talking without an intention. All these have a meaning, it speaks "affection", This repeated gesture creates a connection.
"I’m with a friend at Embassy", one evening she said, "Why don’t you come?" So she wanted my presence. I said "I’ll be there", and what’s said is done! Soon she went with me to some friends of mine, they had a new pet: "If she came with you she likes you" my friend said, "Wanna bet?" "I’m going to wash my car." She asked: "Want some company?" I didn’t invite her along. She likes me, I think we agree.
The next day she was supposed to go to a weddings event, with a friend Then she asked me if I’d go instead. I think I’m beginning to understand! She was joking about "our wedding" and stuff, Even filled out our names for the winnings. There are things you just don’t kid about, Unless you share some romantic feelings.
After that we ended up spending all day in the park, I think that from all other, it was my longest walk. That evening she started to scratch the surface again, I did my best to play cool and guess what she did then? She talked about leaving the country! I didn’t flinch! I mean I tried not to move a muscle, not even an inch! But she still asked "What’s wrong?" and she mentioned once more The time spent together, thinking she’d notice any kind of sore. I said "Nothing’s wrong!" of course and then we moved on I felt like if I said otherwise, my heart would get pawned.
Another day, another park, sat on a bench right by the lake. We shared a "Kurtos". I had no idea that’s when I’d break! When we sat down she turned over and leaned against my shoulder, I still didn’t flinch, I just sat there like I’m some boulder.
She started talking about our time together: "Blah blah blah" I’m thinking "Man, this isn’t Kurtos! I’d eat some baklava!" Anything I could to make myself distracted, to distort, I’d even flee the country if I could find my passport. She went on: "Bottom line: you either like me or you don’t, which is which?" It was dawn! Ha?... Oh crap! How? I think... this time she’s found my switch!
"Yes, I do like you!" I said, no point to hold it any longer, Even though I said it, it didn’t make me any stronger. In fact it made me feel quite weak, Like I haven’t eaten an entire week. "Let’s go, it’s late! You have to go see Ana and it’s getting dark!" "No!" she replied. "We have to talk and we’re not leaving this park!"
She said that, if not for the guy in Spain, Surely-maybe something would have already happened between the two of us And, as I’m experiencing a bit of pain, I remember back that day and think "Man! I should have let her take the bus!"
Next, she painted a picture. And what a picture she did! I don’t think I could ever let go this silly little kid! She said "it could be snowing and outside would be cold, And... With one strong hug, in your arms I would mould"
Then we left the park, I was going to drop her off at her friend, The night wasn’t young at all, I thought it would come to an end. When, out of nowhere, she had suggested that we Head out (with her friend also) and go to the sea! "Yeah, sure!" I said, "I want to go, I haven’t been this year" But I was more excited about the trip with her, to be sincere. It was close to mid-October, not Summer anymore. But also not yet Winter. (I don’t think I’ll ever get to print this, there’s not enough ink in the printer)
We’ve made a few sandwiches. She asked if I had a friend, so we were four. I said I do, called one, then we’ve picked everybody up and head for shore. I really saw this entire trip to the sea as an excuse For her to spend more time with me so she would choose. This wasn’t the first time when, after hanging out, before saying "goodbye" She had found a reason to spend more time together, to get to know "this guy". And, surely, I was doing the same thing, I have to admit: I wanted to stay too, I couldn’t leave, I couldn’t split!
Couple of hours later we have reached "Mamaia", right at "Kudos" beach, Got outta the car, stepped right onto the sand and the waves we’d reach. Touched the sand, touched the water, took some pictures and then left the place In about an hour. What, you thought something would happen? It was not the case.
She said "Now that’s the kind of thing I like, not going to a movie!" I agreed to that while thinking "Where our next trip would-be?"
But, before we’d leave, I took a whole sea shell (when it would dry, it would split in half) I thought that one day it might just ring her bell, When we’d remember, when we’d look back.
Too soon, unfortunately, the journey back home had to start, In a few hours I would drop her off and we would be apart. So, we’ve barely left the beach like 10-15 minutes ago And then there was a lot of fog, we’d have to drive so slow.
Now that’s a "Nobel"! Right there! The weather deserved the world’s most prestigious award! To see, you’d have to light a flare! Next asked if she could rest her feet up on the dashboard. I said "You don’t even have to ask!" She does so. Then she smiles! I wish that the road back home had one million more miles! She also said she’s sorry to drag me for such a long drive. Silly her... If it were the case, I’d have even taken a dive!
After a while we’ve stopped to pick up something to snack, Lol! I’ve even forgot we had two more people in the back. :) Who are they? What were they doing there? Oh... one was my friend, the other was hers.
From the journey that’s left there’s nothing else to say... except I thought "I really like someone. Why is that so hard to accept?" Maybe I should’ve done something, I should’ve held her hand at least. I didn’t, so the tension... instead of being relieved, it had increased.
Now the city was close, we were coming about Everything was clear, the fog had spread out. As we were closing in, here’s what would have been the obvious route: We’d drop our friends, then left her home than I got home. Timeout! "I can’t drop her off last!" I thought then, "I have to play it cool!" "She’d think I want to spend more time with her"... but I was such a fool! So, I kind of took a slight detour, thought it would be for the best. I’ve told her "I’ll drop you off first, it’s almost 6, you have to rest!"
Did so, then went home and instantly fell asleep. I think I didn’t even get to count one single sheep! Oh! And don’t you worry, this time I didn’t forget, I took the others home as well, At least when ariving home and out of the car I would get, There was no one else, just the sea shell.
The next day a new working week had started. Same as before: Morning to work, then lunch, evening again... together more. One morning, on our way to work, she asked me if I happen to have a pen. I didn’t. "That’s alright!" she said, "When we’ll go to lunch, remind me then!"
A few hours of work, time passed by... and soon We’ve both left the office, sometime before noon. What was she going to do with the pen, what would she note? Half of the sea shell she took and on the inside she had wrote:
"12th of October 2014" "This is it!" I thought, "I know what this means!" That she would wait for me as long as it takes, She would wait until whenever my ice breaks!
The next evening, while we were having a smoke, She was drinking Nestea and I was having a Coke. She said "Why don’t you come over this Friday evening for dinner?" "Sure! I’d love to!" I said... and felt my ice as it was getting thinner.
Then, as Friday had been closing in on us, I was trying to act "cool" again, I’ve told her "You’ve had a hard week, you’re tired, let’s take a rain check" She said "It doesn’t matter! Tomorrow’s Saturday, I can sleep late then" Wait! Have I almost got out of something I wanted to do? What the heck?! Let’s get one thing clear, when I write "cool" between the quotes, It’s not "coolness" it means, it’s stupidity that which it promotes!
Said and done! Friday came, the dinner time was set, But before, from my home a couple of things I would get: Some socks, a pair of sweat-pants for sleeping and a t-shirt, I thought "Who knows, maybe after dinner I’d stay for desert..." "Desert", this time, not necessarily meaning "all the way", If anything would happen, I should stop right after foreplay.
Why? I’ll explain everything to you in a bit, It’s just something that’s hard for me to admit. Bear with me a little, this I promise you: That everything I am, you will know too!
Dinner was ready. Some good food and, as we would dine, I realized "stupid me! I should have brought a bottle of wine!" Next I’ve changed clothes and we’d watch a movie online. After that she took a shower and got ready for bed, Then my test: "I’d better go, leave you to rest" I said. "I’m not that tired" she replied, "we could watch some HBO" Test says: If she wanted me to leave, she would have let me go.
But with the test results, I don’t know why would I still regress? When with any other girl it wouldn’t matter, I couldn’t care less? Why was I feeling shyness? Why would I hesitate? I don’t know how much longer for me she’d wait.
Alright then! It’s time to get some stuff out in the open at last, First, I have this shady past: I wouldn’t date, I’d only "cast". I’ve had a wrong start when I was younger, like fifteen years ago, If you’ve been reading between the lines, this you already know: I’d pay in cash for sex, I’d hardly date; I’d look through pictures and pick a mate. The above is wrong, but not what’s next, I’ve wronged myself, but not the rest: If it’s not love, then don’t pretend it is! Don’t mess with feelings! Not hers! Not his! I’m against lying, I’m against cheating! I’m against hurting, I’m against beating! Why would you lie, deceive, pretend, To drive someone to the bitter end? Why in the hell?! For your own need, Should someone hurt, should someone bleed? If you’re a fraud, if you’re a fake, Shadow on earth you shouldn’t make! When you say "I love you" and still misstep, You are just lying, you’re an actor onset. Some may forgive, but none should forget, A second chance you shouldn’t get! (Some free advice for both women and men: Don’t ever be fooled by "I’ll never again!") Feelings for someone are so damn rare, If you deceive, you should get the chair! These are my own rules which I can’t bend, If you don’t live by them, don’t call me "friend"!
Then second of all (shit, this is hard): Having paid in cash, never credit card, There is one important thing I have little experience with: The steps toward a relationship, to me that’s just a myth.
Here’s how it works: mainly cash up-front, There is no competition, there is no "hunt", Take off your clothes as she would undress; There is no finesse, there is no caress. Sure, you may ask for "girlfriend experience", or so it is called, But there’s no connection, you know it’s fake, empty and cold. No matter what and how she says or does her act, How beautiful she is, how funny or she is very smart, No matter the décor or if she calls you "honey", It’s all reduced to... you know: a bucket load of money.
You end up going at it like two rabbits in the woods, The basket opens easily and you just get the goods. You both go at it like animals, until it curls your toes, Then you leave. "- But not so fast! First put on your clothes!"
Oh, and there is that moment, right when you curl your toes, The real brain kicks in: "Crap! There 4 more hundred goes!" And then, of course, all you want to do is leave, Even though she’s lying naked there, she isn’t Eve. So, having done that for about 15 years, Even though I’m laughing, these aren’t laughter tears.
Having kept separately "sex" from "feelings" this entire time, There is a new tall, rocky mountain which I have yet to climb. There’s this equation: "feelings plus sex equals love", this is the path. - Come again? No shit! You’re telling me this now? I didn’t like math!
Having explained both my shyness and my hesitation, There is nothing else that would be left to mention.
Now, back to me and her, to our dinner date, I know it’s pretty late, but what’s our state? Let’s say we’d start to kiss, one thing could lead to another, How would I explain: "Nothing can happen yet, don’t bother"? Given my past, given the risk involved, There was one problem I needed solved.
No protection in the world is 100%, Nothing is flawless to any extent! She isn’t "any other", she isn’t "the rest", I really care for her, I needed a blood test. And what I’ve said above, in the rhymes there, I still couldn’t tell her, I couldn’t yet share.
I’ve looked at her and said "Come here!" I’ve opened my arms and she came near. Kissed her, not on the lips... nowhere near, I’ve hugged her, she snuck by my chest; I wish I’ve told her, I wish I had confessed... As I was numbed, I could listen to her breathe, Then we fell asleep, that’s all we did!
Next morning, when she drew the curtains and light came through: The outside view, the curtains, her standing there... I had a Déjà Vu. I was lying there... "What was that?" Then I got it together, I got up, morning stuff, then went in the kitchen to help'er. A gourmet breakfast we've combined our effort to make And then, to go, she gave me some tasty coconut cake.
Next evening we’ve met to go shoot some pool, But not before I would break the first "rule": "I don’t like flowers" she said on our first day, But, regardless of that, while I was on my way I’ve stopped to get her the first rose, Not too many. One. Just the right doze.
Then later I took her home, but before dropping her off We’ve prolonged the moment with a smoke, started to talk. The way I had planned it: I was going to go for the kiss, I thought "Enough time passed by, she is waiting for this!" Then, as we were talking, we agreed to watch a movie. So... In about half an hour at my place we would-be. Being pretty late, she was going to spend the night; We’ve also made something to eat, not something lite.
Now my inside battle... about that kiss, I was torn! "I shouldn’t make a move on her first time in my home." After the movie and then some tea, we’ve soon said "goodnight", And I went to sleep in another room, I thought that was right. Soon, another night, again at my place, again... the same. I know, for not making a move, now I’m the one to blame.
Friday evening came. She and her colleagues had a concert to attend And I, with my colleagues and GC, a night out we were going to spend. Around 9 I was, with a colleague, on our way to the meeting place, At "Casa di David", in "Herastrau". And, even if it was neither the time nor the place, I was thinking of her though!
The weather was pretty bad. Yes, the weather... Again. And right when I was thinking about her, right then: The Messenger app was going to make the next sound, I’d leave my colleague there and I would turn around! I’ve told him that I had an emergency, that I have to go back, I can’t say what at the time, I’m in a hurry... I’d call him back.
She had just woke up and she was running out of time, What! Is ditching your colleagues such a terrible crime? Well... If it is, then so be it! I’m willing to do the time! I’ve told her that I haven’t left yet, that she got it wrong... that I didn’t say 9; It was very cold. I’ve told her that I could take her too, that I had plenty of time. Went to her place, then hung-out "a bit", for a couple of hours. I could still get her to the concert on time, I had super-powers!
As we were hanging out and she wasn’t yet ready (God forbids!) "In a cup of coffee", she said, "I was predicted an M and 2 kids" "No way! A palm reader told me 2 kids also. And marry after 30. That’s made up!" But I was thinking about the coincidence while telling her "That’s crap, grow up!" And also she was told that she wouldn’t wait for the one that’s meant to be, I don’t think the teller knew what "meant to be" means. It’s "meant to be".
Wait! I think I had already told her my side, a while back. No, that’s not it... she isn’t... she wouldn’t just use that!? Or was she giving me a final notice to make a move? If so, it was too subtle. Her skills she should improve.
Now, as she was not yet ready, but almost. She was putting on her dress, My colleagues were gaining on me, I was making up excuses through SMS. We’ve left her place about 10 minutes before she should arrive, Got there in time, waited for her to pass the gate and then I’d drive.
Rest of the night, spending time with my colleagues I would exclude, I went straight home and just went to bed. I wasn’t in the mood! But, tired and all, I couldn’t yet rest even though I was in bed; Here’s what the evening’s events meant (if it needs to be said):
I’ve turned around!!? That was my third and final warning! I know I’m not gonna be able to sleep until the morning! Now I couldn’t take one step back even if I wanted to, The time when I could have still said "no" is long overdue. This is it! I’ve reached the point of no return! I’m giving in! It’s like I have just been born! Tomorrow I will just grab her by the arm And kiss her, with or without any charm! Or I will just hold her face between my palms, All the bells may ring and all the alarms, Or I will just grab her by the waist, One more second I wouldn't waste! Or I will stroke her hair, then down to her cheek And then, with my lips hers I would seek. Or I will gently grab her chin with one hand And I would just kiss her right were we stand! And, about me, I’ll tell her everything there is to know. I have to! She can either accept the past... or she may go. I know... This means that I’m finally broke, Cupid’s fucking arrow has finally stroke!
So, about 7 weeks since we’ve first met I was finally sure, I knew what I felt! I’m the one who has to know first what I feel And only then I can tell her what is for real!
Then, as I hadn’t yet fallen asleep: SMS. I’ve had a look and decyphred some mess: She wrote that she is sorry for "doing this to me". I know there’s booze there, but how drunk can she be? I know I’ve ditched everyone to spend time with her, Is it possible that she had found out? Alright, maybe now I am in a bit of a blurr, But I know what tomorrow will be about!
I couldn’t sleep for many hours... and then some, It’s already light outside, "tomorrow" had come. The sunlight rays through the glass window bends, She said she’s still hanging out with her friends.
Next I’ve set my alarm for noon, So I would get up before she would. I intended to meet with her soon, And now, some rest... Because I could. So I’ve finally managed to fall asleep, No counting, just sleep. So fast, so deep.
I woke up after noon and looked outside, It was snowing big time, Autumn had died! "No way! This is just like in the picture she painted, Look at the giant snow flakes! Autumn has faded! It seems that when you make your mind up something to do, Even if I hated snow before, the weather is on my side too!"
Then I’ve texted her: "Wake up! Look outside, it’s awesome!" Though it was Winter, I knew today something would blossom! Of course, going to bed late, she wasn’t yet awake And I had stuff to do, I could hardly catch a break! "Come on, wake up you! Let’s go out! It’s the first snow!" Later: "Don’t sleep all day, you’ll miss everything! Let’s go!"
The day flew right by. Before I’d realize it, the evening came soon: Maybe she didn’t go to bed in the morning, maybe she went after noon. I look at my watch and it’s half past eight: We will still meet, doesn’t matter it’s late! Soon midnight came and I was holding steady: Even if she wakes up now, she could still get ready! Then, twoard the morning, I’ve somehow fallen asleep, It’s like Saturday never existed, maybe I’ve taken a leap.
Yet another morning! Sunday this time. Phone woke me up, sometime before 9. I didn’t hear the entire sound, just the after tone: "Hey! Yes, I’ve seen the snow! I’m not yet at home!" I was drinking water, I had a dry throat. "I’m still in my Friday clothes" she wrote.
Ok, that felt strange! It felt like a kick... Next, my words carefully I would have to pick. Alright! Now once more I have to play cool. And here’s why: I want her to feel safe, I don’t want to force her to lie!
So, with a void in my stommach I’ve managed to somehow write back: "Smiley face :) Smiley face :) You little rascal... you’ve hooked up!" But I was still hoping it wouldn’t be the case, That she’s just over at some friends’ place.
Wait! I need more time before she writes back, There’s something I need, something I now lack! I know! I’ll go look in the freezer; Crap! There's no ice there either... The void was still there, it wouldn’t dissapear, As she will finish writing, things will come clear:
"I wouldn’t call it that! I got close to someone. Yes..." (Now I know what she meant by the other night’s SMS) "We haven’t just met. I’ve known him for a while" next she said. I had forgotten how it feels like when your whole body turns to led; Feeling not blood, but lava burning through each and every vein, While even the last ounce of will you have is going to the drain. The air now pushes harder through your led loaded chest, Then gravity increases, now you can barely breathe at best. Even the slightest move requires your undivided attention, The smallest thing you want to do remains just an intention. You can’t breathe anymore and you would dream to walk! ... Then lava does it’s work: you have now turned to rock!